Bad Ass Clyde – Don’t Even Go There
Bad Ass Clyde
Bad Ass Clyde was not one to mess with. His favorite saying was, “Don’t even go there!”, and if you did you would be one sorry fella once you came to. Bad Ass Clyde had nevva been bested or lost a fight since he was knee high to a grasshopper. His story sorta goes like this:
Clyde was born the seventh son of a seventh son. Now, that in its self is a profound happening, I reckon. Clyde was small for his age, but his Pa always bragged that “Sumthins good gonna come of that boy!” And right he was. By the time he was nine and had gotten beat up every day by one of his mean older brothers, Clyde had had enough. It was one day in the spring of ’06 when his Pa’s still broke down.
The oldest brother, who always screwed up something, blamed the broken mash pot on Clyde. When Clyde saw his Pa cut a switch from the willow tree, Clyde said, “You take that back, Jake, and own up!” When Jake just laughed, Clyde charged, butted his head hard into Jake’s stomach, grabbed a fire log and slammed into the back of Jake’s head when he was doubled over holding his stomach and barfing up his breakfast – knocked ol’ Jake out cold it did. Pa stopped in mid stride and handed the switch to Clyde. “Well, I’ll be!,” said Pa. “You one little bad ass, Clyde. Here, you deserve to whup him.” Clyde took the switch, thought about it for a few seconds, then tossed the switch down. “Naw. He’s been whupped enough for the day.” And that is how Clyde got his full name.
Throughout his growin’ up years there was always some foolish bigger boy who wanted to pick on little Clyde and rough him up. “Don’t even go there,” Clyde was want to say. Now, if the other boy took that advice, all was well. But, if the bully was stupid, he’d end up in the Granny Woman’s cabin so he could get his broken nose and bruises cared for. “Hmmm … been messin’ with Bad Ass Clyde, have ya?” Granny would admonish.
And that is how Clyde’s life was. Yep, Bad Ass Clyde nevva lost a fight, nevva been bested, could nevva be talked into anythin’ if twasn’t his idea … well … least not till he met Bad Ass Bessie who told him right off that she will go any damn where she pleased. Clyde is now married and the proud father of seven bad ass sons.
~~~~
© 2017 Phyllis Doyle Burns
I have always liked to write.It is important to me that writing comes from my heart and soul. When writing poetry, if I do not feel a spiritual connection to what I am writing on, I will discard it and go on to something I can connect with on a spiritual level. I live in the moment, I write from the past or beyond the veil. When writing fiction I go with whatever inspires me at the moment - it could be funny, sorrowful, romantic or sometimes done with the use of colloquial language from mountain folk or other cultural regions.
I began writing content online in 2007, starting with BellaOnline - A Voice For Women, where I was the Native American Editor, Folklore & Mythology Editor, and the Appalachian Editor. I also wrote articles forThe Examiner, Daily Two Cents, and Yahoo. I am currently an author on HubPages.
Most of what I write takes a lot of research and I love it. Even if it is a fictional story, I will research for accuracy in whatever it takes to make my characters, their era, their location, etc. become realistic to the reader.
I hope you enjoy my works. Thank you for visiting.
- Ode to Voices in Desert Sands - August 14, 2023
- My Secluded Mountain Forest Nook - July 24, 2023
- My Cozy Log Cabin in the Woods - July 22, 2023
The moral of this story is when you thinks your one bad ass Clyde, there will always be a woman to whip your bad ass into shape. Way da go bad ass Bessie you done tamed his ass for good. A fun write indeed, nicely penned Phyllis.
LOL. So glad you enjoyed it, Vincent. Thanks.
Yes its always a good woman that whips our buts into shape. Great work Phyllis, enjoyed it!
Ah! That is funny, Tony. So glad you enjoyed it. Bessie is a good and independent woman – bless her heart.
This was one bad ass story, Phyllis. An enjoyable and fun read. Thanks.
Ah haha! So glad you enjoyed it, John. I was inspired to write it thinking about an article I wrote on Hugh Glaas, a frontiersman who seemingly had nine lives. I wrote that “he was a ‘bad ass’ long before the term was coined”. Odd that I published it on Weebly just before the movie starring Leonardo DiCapprio came out. They stole my line in the write up of the movie. Oh, well.
Ha Ha… I love this, Phyllis! I enjoyed the entire story, and I thought the way you used the slang was very cool. This poem reminded me of that song…trying to remember it so I can tell you which one it is… I think it’s called: Leroy Brown. I feel like singing because your story has me going, now…lol. Very cool!
So glad you enjoyed this, Tamara. I have a lot of fun writing pieces like this once in awhile. Thanks for reading and your great comment.