Thirty years has transpired since first I met you, and even then the pain you carried was palpable. I’ve watched you struggle with past, and its effect on you dramatic and profoundly felt by yourself but worse, all those around you. Not once could you confront your fears, face the demons that haunt your soul. Instead you choose to vent, to blame and carry your burden just below the skin, ready to be released and attack at a moments notice. Rather than forgiveness you have chosen mistrust and even hatred to those who contest your will. Even though we know the origins of your disdain, your actions are malicious.
There are two types of people in the word, survivors and victims, and you have always been a victim. For blame is your mantra, your purpose in deflecting responsibility for your own ineptitude. You have chosen, in response to your fathers oppression and limitations in growing up, a willful denial of truth and a penchant for always being right. This is a reflection of the verbal and physical abuse you suffered by his hands. You then married a narcissistic man who treated you the same way, limiting your potential. This time it was by someone who was disloyal, selfish and virtually amoral in his dealings with the world.
From there your behavior was set: you hated men, you trusted no-one and felt you were better than everyone else, for it was they to blame for all your problems, never yourself. Ironically you became the narcissist, putting yourself before everyone including your own children. Crossing you, questioning you and your ability was a ticket to abandonment, for no-one has that right in your eyes. This rationale created a delusion of truth, seen through the shadow of your potential and cast as a weapon of mass destruction. You always know better, regardless of experience or anything else, and no-one can win an argument, for you are always right and must win always, for your own acceptance of self.
You remarried and finally found a man who could deal with your tantrums, your dark moods and righteous attitudes. He saw something better in you, which is there but not chosen by you, above your survival reasoning. For many years you have belittled, dismissed and treated your husband as a servant and an inferior. You claim always he does nothing and you do everything, which is the direct opposite of the truth. He is the only man on earth who would remain loyal to you, in your cold, harsh expectations. Yet you take over every major joint project, make endless mistakes and constantly erupt like a volcano if you are questioned in any way. You have basically made his life a misery and for what? You are now eighty years old, and one would have expected some compassion in your life, but it seems not.
You have now decided to live somewhere else (after 25 years of a good life) and have done every nasty, threatening thing to get what you want. You have emotionally blackmailed your husband in ending your 36 year marriage if he will not go. Being loyal and concerned for your health, he will not abandon you and is prepared to sacrifice the rest of his life just to take care of you. This man is my best friend and you are taking him away from me and the place he loves, against his will. But he cannot abandon you for fear of your many health issues and the fact that you cannot take care of yourself.
This makes me angry, yet I know this is not my fight, and I must let people have their way in their own lives. I was committed to tasking care of both of them for the rest of their lives, as they have been good to me, especially my best friend, and also their daughter who lives here is basically been estranged by her mother. But its hard to watch the darker side of people prevail, especially when its against the happiness of someone you love. I will not be consumed by the injustices, but in many ways I wish my friend clear of this woman, for that would give him some happiness in the remainder of his life.
It is not my place to judge or help determine what people do, but I find it difficult to just watch some people weave their dark intentions to the detriment of good people. Ah that feels better. Nothing like a good venting!
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