A Day In The Life Of A Klutz
I woke up, tripped on my rug, smacked my shin on the bed
Spun around, bonked my knee, fell and bumped my head
An unbalanced dance as I tried to pull up my pants
Think I pulled my groin on the stutter step, hurt so much I nearly wept
Down the stairs I rumbled, then just as quickly stumbled
Grabbed the kitchen door, quickly spilled coffee on the floor
Granite countertop plus a slippery sock, hit it sliding, hard as rock
Counted all the stars I could see, still throbbing from the knee
Dazed as I was, I struggled just to stand, once again, boom did I land
The puddle of black coffee, It seemed to be mocking me
Felt a triumphant moment at standing upright, but oh my shirt, such a sight
Breakfast first, chased my toast as it fell, another thing that didn’t go well
A quick change without worry, but of course I’m now in a hurry
I tried to slip out and leave, but then lost were my keys
Spied them on the counter, they waited, yet still I debated
For that puddle ahead, I think it still wants me dead
My steps slow and planned, held tight with my hands
Slipped by the wet spot, but the pot was still hot
My fingers alive with one single touch, one that didn’t seem much
You’d think I would learn, but wow, did it burn
Grabbed the keys very quick, stepped again on the slick
Left hand smacked the sink, right knocked over a drink
So lucky the wall was there to break my fall
Now with two throbbing knees, a hip that felt seized
I rushed straight outside, moved straight to my ride
Yet the sun shined so was bright, and the neighbor kid’s bike
I dodged left to avoid it, but my foot slipped just a bit
Then again came the pain as my toes found the chain
Looking up to the sky, couldn’t help but shout WHY!
Screamed how bad can it get, there’s been so many hits
If today gets much worse, think I’ll come home in a hearse
There’s no way I’m that unlucky, my days are just yucky
It got worse, by noon I’d bruised my pride and both shins
By three I’d tripped seven times and I’d fallen again
At five came the notion, maybe the events are just facts
The world seems to hate me, when I move it attacks
But somehow, I’m still standing, through the bumps and the slips,
The mind-blowing spills, spectacular trips, and a couple of flips
I carefully walk up the stairs, feeling good, standing tall
I’m a klutz, that’s for sure — but undefeated by it all
Additional Reading
R.J. (Ralph) Schwartz is an American poet, author, website owner, and online publisher. His writing spans several poetry collections—ranging from spiritual and romantic to fear-driven explorations—and even extends into science fiction. Notable works include:
- Normal Was the First Casualty – A Collection of Dystopian Poetry
- Hope – Inspirational and Spiritual Poetry
- Things That Go Bump in the Night – Poetry of Fear and Fright
- The Lover’s Thread – Poetry for Couples
- Poetry of the Human Condition – The Ups and Downs of Modern Living
- The Secrets of the Moon (Science Fiction Novel)
Schwartz’s work is described as purposefully wordy, richly descriptive, and thematically grounded in nature, romance, antiquity, and forgotten histories. He writes regularly on platforms he manages, including The Creative Exiles, a collaborative venue for writers, and The Gypsy Thread, which is focused on pagan rituals, witchcraft, the strange & supernatural, and the unexplained.
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