Snow White and Prince Charming
For countless years fairy tales and nursery rhymes have been popular bedtime reading for young children by their parents. Many do not realise that when they were first written many of these were in fact aimed at an adult audience. Often over the years, the stories were altered to make them more suitable for children. Here I have taken inspiration from the popular story Snow White, turning it on its head, and attempted to give it a modern slant.
Do you come here often?
(His corny opening line)
I haven’t seen your name before,
And I’m here all the time.
I’ve only been here once or twice,
It’s not really my scene.
I thought I’d give it one more try,
Most guys are much too keen.
Your avatar is really cute.
Snow White’s a pretty name.
I know some guys are rather rude,
But we aren’t all the same.
‘Prince Charming’, are you joking?
That sounds a little vain.
Do women take you seriously,
Or treat you as insane?
It’s hard to choose a catchy name,
There’s no need to insult.
I’m sorry you’ve been treated bad,
But it’s really not my fault.
Sorry, that was rather mean,
I shouldn’t judge so quick.
It’s just the things that some guys want
Really make me sick.
Actually, you seem quite nice,
You must think I’m a bitch.
The last guy that I chatted with
Had a really charming pitch.
At first, he sounded friendly,
He said his name was ‘Doc’.
His small talk made me feel at ease,
Then he asked, “Do you like c…?”
It is okay, I understand,
I get that all the time.
Girls in here get hit on lots,
But not all guys are slime.
Some guys are full of compliments,
They know just what to say.
Most of them are online sharks
And women are their prey.
I sat there shocked in disbelief,
At first, I couldn’t speak.
“I’m not that type of girl,” I said,
“Just get lost, you creep”
That didn’t even put him off.
He said, “I have six pals.
We like to share and share alike,
Especially pretty gals.”
Maybe if you’re willing,
I’d like to be your friend.
I hope you find me honest,
And chivalrous to the end.
I know Doc, he’s short and crude,
No wonder you are bitter.
His type is more like what you find
In a tray of kitty litter.
I’m sorry he abused you
He makes us all look bad.
You must think all guys want is sex,
It really is quite sad.
His friends, the Dwarfs are nasty,
They’re horrid and depraved.
They like to have a live-in girl,
To be their little slave.
My computer screen is freezing,
It needs a good reboot.
But just one tip before I go,
Beware of witches bearing fruit.
by John Hansen ©
- Snow White and Prince Charming ~ An Adult Fairy Tale - January 4, 2022
- Tell Me, Where Do You Go To…? - November 20, 2021
- Contradictions and Oxymorons - October 28, 2021