This photograph of my mom with her brother and cousin is how I like to think of her today – young, carefree, laughing without a care in the world I am not alone in this – when you lose your mother to illness or tragedy it takes many years to appreciate what is gone from your life. My mother was a kind and gentle soul and she encouraged me to write when I was young. She was the one that realized that I saw the world different than most kids my age. She called me “an old soul” and it took me years to fully understand what that meant. My Mom passed away in her sleep suffering from dementia and what I call the abyss on May 31st, 1997. To this day I still feel her with me encouraging me in all that I do.
Falling into the Abyss
Her mind started falling ever so slowly into the abyss,
The present no longer existed nor could she reminisce.
Her mind tumbled and fell into confusion and a dark hole,
My mom I loved her so, but dementia stole her soul.
Over the years it slowly robbed my mom of her personality,
In the end she was a shell of herself with no more vitality.
Many days I spent with her as her mind was lost in the abyss,
At first I never knew of what was wrong or what was amiss.
Nothing as cruel as to watch one you love suffer like this,
As their mind slowly falls into swirling darkness of the abyss.
The tears I shed as the mother I knew silently died inside,
No smile, no laughter, just a blank stare from her bedside.
Kept reminding myself she was not giving me a hard time,
That dementia and the abyss was stealing her life – her prime.
I tried to help her when she could no longer remembered me,
As she lost her memories of herself and others slowly be degree.
Mom was an intelligent, gentle and caring woman I used to boast,
With her mind lost in the darkening abyss she needed me the most.
On the day she died I thanked the heavens her suffering was done,
In her battle with dementia and the abyss – the disease finally won.
Years later I have chosen to remember my mom before the abyss,
As she read stories to me as a child – this is what I love to reminisce.
Kurt James © 2019
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