“You’re not my type,” Was like daggers to the heart,
The instance where I learned to disappear.
In that limelight, while her pseudo smile comparts
I’m effaced from my romantic’s career.
So many years of strategic planning
In self-reflection to find the courage.
So many fears come with understanding
That I end up in a ditch or I flourish.
I’ve treated curiosity like the plague,
Learned to stay in my own lane for a change
welcomed all insults however vague,
And see how those mistakes can interchange.
Oh how I trapped myself in self-rejection,
constructed my house with awful windows
Each pane I peer in has sad reflections
Each shadow creature, it screams inside my soul
My voice seems callow, not that of a man
I blanket myself in shadows so dark
The exchange of words no more in demand,
And trust is slaughtered by one savage remark.
How does someone cry over nothing?
I call it nothing, because it was never there
Just dashed dreams once permitting goose-bumping,
now silence haunts that mental thoroughfare.
Each highway I take leads nowhere too fast
The modicums of joy, are fleeting specks
To dig myself out of such troubled pasts
I require more than a shovel this trek.
My journey is fraught with many sedulous slights
The mountains have mountains to climb up atop
I search for that voice, that one holding might,
The one, despite everything, says never to stop.
I’m done holding pieces of my crumbling heart,
Tired of fearing something I never had.
In trampling my dignity, I will play no part,
No more are you allowed to make me that sad.
You are not my type as well, I look bad in horns,
I will now walk away and fuck all your plans
The next sucker you find, you can try to conform
And drag along like a sad, lonely fan