Perspective Overdose …
No one of yet has developed a language
or a lexis that confirms my point of view.
In the darkness with the angles and anguish
and the heavy baggage I’m attending to—
Empathize with me, no need to misconstrue
There’s so much trouble teeming in these veins
Not every morning sky is azure blue
Sometimes it grey, and sometimes its rains—
And sometimes the answer is not defined
so maybe the key to freedom is you
You, the cancer propaganda designed
Sometimes I wish that I could vanish too
And discover the meekest answer to find,
It’s true; these words seem like they’re such a waste,
A bunch of empty meanings combined
Another message that was killed in haste,
Erased and replaced by a demon unchaste
Nothing worse than being stabbed by your own knife,
How these words have their terms and their space
Though nothing I write could hit you harder than life
And in life were moments I’d hoped to replace
The moments you were close to the coffin
Often times I couldn’t wear the straightest face,
At this pace I was the one grieving losses
Of course there were skeletons in my closet,
And honestly we fought back then and quarreled
And their bodies were evident of my forfeits
and the many times that I had spiraled.
In the bottle and the pills I paid homage,
A hostage of false promise and of remedy
The hollow shell my simile for knowledge
The drama I played out for all to see.
And that was just me, my sad effigy,
to the pharmacy I was ever devout
My anomaly was my true identity,
A good farmer could see what needs cropping out
And I was a bad weed, as I could recount
A travesty of gravity’s apogee
My mother and father just couldn’t account
as my empathy was always an absentee.
And happily I lived as a derelict
The heritage inherited from surrogates
with the demons I haven’t conquered yet
And the weakness where abstract is evidence.
And specialists, pessimists and therapists
They come at me affectionate and cordial
Each with a testament of my pestilence
and me the genesis of their fortunes.
I realized the horseman in all this burgeoned
I mused how your kiss tasted better with smack
How the ceilings cracked and I felt the endorphins
In the sorted portions of my snorted snack
And I locked with your lips and it was gorgeous
But in all this I realized that I was alone
An epiphany of ecstasy I cannot ignore was,
On smack there was a different me with different bones—
A universe where I was prone to levity
A sinister value of frightening thought
An entity of deviltry and revelry
a crackpot so carefree of being caught.
And the microcosms of milliseconds
Passed by like the hours of endless days
The haze was like angel praising the heavens
Ablaze in the rays of the heavenly blaze
And I stoked up the fire as providence
Thinking why wouldn’t anyone want this to stay
Not cognizant of all the consequence
My incompetence of common sense would play
The ominous omnibus of anonymous
and how this story could be you some day.
How wantonness and drugs are synonymous
Of a lifetime of grief that does not pay.