Life Raft
Life Raft …
Spoken of hardly known wasting forms of fear
When in deep within those caves so feared before
Started to pull so deeply known inside one barren tear
Forging unknown passage beyond said stable moor
Swimming through naked waters grabbing at your face
Caressing along through lake’s encumbrance plain
Leaving inside lake’s waters none but bare a trace
Evolving that sign of which has yet barely but to wane
Forging beyond fearful specks of mountain’s forest clear
Burgeoning feel toward water’s grasses holding strangled legs
Mind’s involvement with passion faded swept careening tear
Gives one thought of morning break and carnivorous eating eggs
As the fort on other side of water’s enticing sap
Undefeated life raft looms above indigenous path
Fearful passive passion hurriedly forms a form of map
Elusive toward entranced liquid’s quickly forming wrath
Hands and feet come into play with sandy shore abode
While mental cogitation rides where the fearful rode
So, here I am. Relate to me, please!
- In all reality, Life is fantasy bound - July 22, 2018
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- The Gust Of A Breath (The Breath Of A Gust) - May 21, 2018
Very mysterious and a bit frightening. Interesting phrasing, Donald. Well done.
This is what happens when my mind goes everywhere at once, attempting to define one thing, while scattering about. This is basically about those fears felt while swimming through a lake, attempting to keep one’s mind on better thoughts. yet yielding to others so opposite. Thank you, Phyllis, for your kindness here!
Interesting read Donald, but I feel it’s all there but needs a rewrite, as too many phrases are slightly off in syntax and also some words repeated that don’t add but subtract from the expression. I believe this could be a superior piece, but perhaps another look at the phrasing and structure. Simply my humble opinion, for your consideration. Cheers!
Tony, thank you for such an expressive remark. My mind, while attempting to define fear, went all different places inside my mind (caverns), reliving all fears which have been a part of me. These are all defined in the manic act of swimming through a lake, and facing my greatest fear (water). It is a little off key, which is what happens when my mind scatters. I very much appreciate your rewrite comment to make it better. However, I have never rewritten anything, cept for a story I once wrote. It is a demon with me, writing very quickly and changing nothing. I guess it has to do with control! Thanks again, my talented friend!
Interesting work my friend, while i agree to an extent with Tony, i understand your stand on not rewriting your work. After all the time placed into a piece, it could be overwhelming to correct. Question have you ever fully conquered your fears of swimming??
This, probably more than anything else I have ever written, delves deeply into my psyche. A true fear has led me to write this, while being aware of other things in my life, sorting everything together so intimately, together and singularly. I appreciate your visit and comment very much. No, I have never overcome my fear of water, along with other things which direct my life so cloistered!