Broken by You

Broken by You

– Slam

Bludgeoned by your verbal truncheon,

My soul is shrunken by your dungeons

Eruptions from my heart are like percussion

with pulses drumming; no instruction—

 

My thoughts now drunken with corruption,

Corruption and I, we have no gumption

And now my epicardium has toughened,

This bleeding heart desires pumping

 

I summoned logic for discussion,

one hundred times in this conundrum

I realized then, it sounds redundant,

but paving jungles levies judgment.

 

Standing at the pulpit,  I know it,

No longer was I impulsive

I was calculating, the culprit,

The black river where I flowed in,

 

I was Styx, I was compulsive,

I was calculating…I was so sick,

I know this; I’ve learned to cope with it,

the daunting ways to be repulsive.

 

My mind suffered from that foul switch,

in hardened thoughts of full expulsion

How love can find a way of insulting,

And the scars it leaves severely salted.

 

So I am halted by reluctance,

In its function of redundancy

See the transmutation of substance,

Has destructions and indulgence

 

And beneath the shell is vast disruption,

The deep seat of such obstructions

The path that led to deconstruction

I’ve found this moment of interruption.

 

The eve of when my heart aggrieved

The wicked path we chose to weave,

How naïve I was when I believed,

thinking you and I could interweave

 

You left me there; no time to grieve,

And found another sap to cleave to,

Another sleeve to pass disease,

Another limb your burdens heaved to,

 

When I became your second team,

The fading parts of yester-dreams

The days your eyes forgot to gleam,

Alone I waded down the stream,

 

Subconscious streams toward dark ravines

The moment love had no esteem,

And darkness was your color scheme,

I drifted then, a dying beam

 

A beam it seems adrift from seams

The seam the lines to plot the scheme,

The scheme the way I found the theme,

The theme I thought was balance, see,

 

I wish I’d told you there and then,

Instead of with this melancholy pen

I wish that I perceived your face again

the face that tempered the strongest men.

 

I never thought I’d be redeemed

Myself nor my reality

I should have known at age sixteen,

The kind of bitch you’d come to be

 

Instead I let you just proceed,

And in my weakness I just agreed,

Each time you spoke I saw stampedes,

in countless steps how my heart would bleed

 

How weak I was, how weak indeed,

The nightmares suffered while fast asleep

The empty mood of sound defeat,

The desperate need of sweet reprieve

 

Now nineteen past I’m still fatigued,

my heart now drums a different beat,

I’ve found a woman so complete,

My fervent love cannot deplete

 

She’s everything that you were not,

She lets me play her Lancelot

I am never just an afterthought

She loves me in ways you could not.

 

I wish you were in earshot

When I read aloud these juggernauts

Remind you of the marathons

in psychosocial aftershock

 

I cried so much I wore a smock,

How every night my mind was rocked

No luck for me no jade shamrocks

When in your heart you’d only mock

 

That mocking stayed around the clock

as we stumbled upon the building blocks

our love a dead poet’s writer’s block,

it never evolved, it was just a crock.

 

So in a drawer the sharp garotte,

I’d even help you tie the knot

Make sure I hit your breathing spot,

The space you stole from me a lot

 

A distant dream in a flower pot

my image of the surgeon’s knot.

The thoughts I use to sew the spot

the spot that you so soon forgot.

 

The moments where I couldn’t breathe

The air you stole and thought I wouldn’t need

The seconds where my skin would seethe,

even now when you’re a memory.

 

I’m broken now because of you,

Though slowly the skies have found their blue,

An azure mix of cobalt hues

And slowly again I’ve find that muse

 

And now I need to snug the screws

To let this mental blitz diffuse

Put back away this past abuse,

And watch the growth of love renewed.