No Conscience
No Conscience….
I find myself confused and hurt
As though my friendship has no worth
You’ve lied to me and made amends
behind my back you were no friend.
Beneath my feet the ground had cracked
Into my skin the shells attacked
Was it I who was swallowed whole,
by a mind disturbed by fictive cold?
How speculation can disserve
My heart, my head, the pain, the nerve.
I did my laps within your mind
And shallow pools are all I find.
Infatuation was my crime
My bid for passion out of line
I once thought we were friends or more
But through my thoughts, my pain was poured.
I find your lack of words for me
A breach of our sincerity
And now there lies aberrancy
Where once I held priority
But now no more do I need proof
Now I know I’m not worth the truth
And a thing called opportunity
Can dissuade her from our loyalty
So blindly does she reach and stab
Just glimpse my soul you’ll see the scabs
Then you will know the poison told,
with stony looks her eyes behold.
An apostate she was of late
To her “friends” that she oft berates
Reflect once more inside those eyes,
There’s nothing left, just her disguise.
My friend no more, where did you go?
My bond is not just quid pro quo
It’s not something that you barter
Nor a place where pain should harbor.
I would not ask you to select
I treat my friends with due respect
How could you treat someone like this,
must be nice with no conscience.
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Loss of a good friend creates such sorrow and leaves a void. It makes us question ourselves. This can be a learning experience in life. Your poem is so well penned and emotive. Nice work, Paul.
Thank you Phyllis. The situation was so awkward too. Things are better now but, my friend was being very shady and distant for no apparent reason. It made me feel like i was wrong for something, only problem was i didnt know what and it was painful to say the least, because i enjoyed my conversations with her. Thank you so much for your kind words
Sad and so with many people, let down by our expectations so high. But we cannot expect people all to have our same values. We are loyal and expect loyalty in return, but often people are capable of that. Sad but true. Nicely penned and expressed Paul.
Yeah it is. She came around finally, but for the time being. Its almost,like shes a loose cannon with no remorse for what she does. Sad people cannot empathize the same way. Thank you so much my friend.
It most probably not something You’ve done, it might be that something going inside her, making her drifting away, even to act harsh and rude toward those who care, if she was as You said a good friend to You, then give her some time, if she is really, her true essence will flow back to her heart, and may be then she will need You beside her with open mind and heart.
Your poem stricks some really deep thoughts, the rollercoaster Your mind will take a ride on, very well written, I hope things will be much better.
You know something, i started questioning myself thinking that i did do something, and it hurt worse for some reason, but then i thought back and could not find anything. It hurts because she is choosing a person she personally badmouths to me, then goes and ignores me,in a social situation, its so perplexing and painful, im thinking about not being her friend anymore, i dont need this kind of crap in my life. I hope its something else. It was vetterfor a week then went back again so im starting to doubt the friendship. Thank you so much for your concern and kindness LS.
So goes the path of those who seek barter instead of true friendship. Those who give of themselves so freely often end up in shifting sands of pain. Here you shift from first person to third, and yet do it so seamlessly as to be of no effort at all. A very poignant write, my friend!
I’m thinking maybe there is someone who is coming between You the two, trying maybe to ruin Your friendship, anyway, I tottaly agree with You about not needing this crap in Your life, forget it, something broken between You and her, put a limit for her, unless she came with a good reason for all her behaviors.
All the best dear Paul, never forget there are still good people out there, no matter what.
Thank you my dear friend.
I imagine that “punched in the gut” feeling you had to endure will not leave too soon. It’s such a shame when the things we feel are solid, turn around and hit us below the belt. I hope you can find a way to overcome. This piece seems to be like your gateway; your chance to somehow seek and find closure. Best of luck – nicely composed.
I concur with all of the above comments, especially GH. Too often we think we’ve found our Match in life as a friend or a lover, yet until one becomes a REAL friend first it’s most often a blow to one’s ego when the other party makes a better acquaintance than a friend or lover. Separating all 3 can be difficult. I’ve been tested over my years and I learned. Unless my lover is a really true friend, I would never consider making her my lifetime mate, the alter would be a distance thought. So I hope you’ve both resolved your differences in determining where the line gets drawn. Friend, love, spouse or neither? Excellent verses btw and the rhyme flowed beautifully. Bravo.
Thank you so much Vincent. Yeah we have resolved our differences. It is amazing how communication is key to so many resolutions. It is a quality we as a people lack, or have chosen to disregard altogether. A simple misunderstanding was all but, I must say don’t get on that woman’s bad side. Haha.
Well I’m happy to read that you’ve both resolved your differences, that’s not always an easy task;-) As Hell has no fury, like a woman scorned….for sure;-) Believe me I’m felt that scorn a few times in some of my past relationships and that’s why they are PAST for sure. Cheers.