Facing Grief, My Constant State
What brings us to grief,
closer to that abyss, that never-ending fall,
a swirling dark vortex void of light,
as we in our hob-nailed boots,
alarmingly unprepared, ill-informed
and biased beyond belief,
grapple for purchase on grounds
as smooth as a slide?
Grief is just the contiguous manifestation
of our innate ineptitude,
our bleeding heart imperfections,
that drag us so naturally
to that dark edge,
but it is we,
in our sagacious or hauteur state,
that holds us fast
or tips us over that edge.
Circumstance isn’t random,
it seeks us out, finds us in illicit ploys:
pants down, mouth gaping,
as if life wouldn’t notice,
and penance dangles like a carrot on a stick,
and we follow, knowing where it leads,
to be faced with decisions,
that step into darkness, ever-possible.
Do we really learn,
or are we simply responding to a trick,
a smile and an apology,
to release us from the painful licking we deserve,
and does the trick endure,
reused until the abyss the only cure,
for our inherent stupidity,
our spent validity.
Facing the abyss is grounding,
a flash of reality,
sounding like I should have known better,
but here, once again I’m sweating,
toes grasping frantically the edge of life,
amid the strife of my persistent lies and faults,
that haunts my mind
and forever reminds me of the pain of regret.
Tony DeLorger © 2016
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- Brutal Night - March 30, 2021
- Like a Breeze Recalls - March 27, 2021
- Torrents - September 5, 2020
That pain of regret is very similar to PTSD, I know that from personal experience. Sometimes an action I performed or words I spoke from the distant past will pop into my vision and I quake violently, reliving it over again with regret. All I can do is to realize that I did what I could with the knowledge I had in that moment. Great work here, Tony.
Pleased you enjoyed my thoughts Phyllis, and as always I appreciate your support and comments. Enjoy the rest of your day.
Tony, check the newsletter archive tab on the main page on the menu bar. 🙂
Cool, thanks Phyllis.
Often it is regret that leaves us in much doubt and asking ourselves – why? Most creatively expressed. Great final verse. It is this that often does haunt our minds.
Glad you appreciated the work Rasma, thank you for your kind words. Cheers!