Song of Chatter
Newborn inspiration …
SONG OF CHATTER
Changing clouds of black birds flying
By my window as I write,
Tempting me to keep on spying;
Every night my eyes are prying
Till they’re lost in dying light.
Held in trance while they’re performing
I forget my former muse.
Thoughts are smothered while they’re swarming,
While they’re endlessly transforming
On the beat of random cues.
When the jackdaws merge together
They incite a stronger tale.
As if with their song of chatter
They award, before they scatter,
A new story to unveil.
Gazing upon their formation
Empties what was on my mind.
But with every deprivation
Hatches newborn inspiration,
By dynamics wings designed.
Since their daily interference
Cultivates a higher theme,
With its liquefied coherence,
Is their punctual appearance
By me held in high esteem.
You can find more of my work on my blog / website www.thegoldenmirror.net and on various social media sites related to it.
- Golden Ratio - October 30, 2016
- Picture in a Frame - October 20, 2016
- The Undefeated Knight - October 10, 2016
Love the rhythm here. As I read I could picture the blackbirds flying through the skies. Enjoyed this.
Thank you, Rasma. Putting rhythm in my work is something I love to do. 😉
Very vivid image in your poem, Jerry. I love to watch the blackbirds when they gather out by my patio. And they do chatter a lot. I enjoyed reading your lively and well penned poem.
Thank you, Phyllis. And yes, they indeed chatter a lot.
Great to see a new post from you Jerry – amazing description and word usage (we’d certainly love to see more of your work if you have the time to post it!)
Yes. Thank you R J. Time is not always on my side when it comes to posting poems, but I took the time this time to schedule some for the coming month. So, a few more are coming.
I enjoyed that Jerry, some nice imagery and phrasing. However when your lines create rhythm, the extra line works against it. The scheme you use is 12112 and if there was no rhythm it wouldn’t matter. Instead the second 1 line clogs up the movement and the verse feels awkward. If you remove the 2nd 1 line it becomes 1212 and flows smoothly. With rhythm its important that syllables be counted to accomplish the flow of movement. Words then take on a different meaning and task. Just an old poets penny’s worth, my friend. Nice to see you back on line. Cheers!
Thank you for your remark, Tony. I normally stick to a AABB or ABAB scheme, but sometimes I like to experiment. This was one of those experiments. And I have to say, I’m very proud of it.
The syllable count it this is 87887. It may take some time to get used to it, but I myself love the flow of the poem as it is. I hope you’ll give it another try 😉
Great poem, Jerry. Great imagery and I understand what Tony is saying, but I love this rhyme scheme…reminds me of Poe.
Thank you for the compliment, John.