Moments of Pain
How ‘mind’ can elude our thoughts, caught within a maelstrom of emotion, bleeding, outpouring pain, as if life, its very substance is draining away. When despair is so complete, when death takes a loved one and that part of us becomes void, a hole of bottomless grief, the pain so disarming the body refuses to function: not move, not feed, nor drink to sustain its very being. Instead pain envelopes a mind, like storm clouds that surround what light can be and stifle all thoughts other than this aching, gnawing pain and suffering, for all that could have been and now is lost.
Memories of a life fading, haunt a mind to complete and utter distraction, lost in darkness,
unaware of the world, of light and life in any form. All encompassing pain is so overwhelming, tears are worthless, incapable of being, just a dry and empty place, where death is all but complete, save a heart that limps to unconscious maintenance.
Through the dark thoughts of a heart coming to rest, still and lifeless, or images of a lost glazed expression of life ebbing away, memories linger ceaselessly until pain itself becomes numb, incapable of feeling. Then shock sets in, and consciousness becomes a haze of dull muffled being, hardly cognizant of sound, feeling or any function of human life. One stares vacantly into the void of nothingness, lost from life’s afferent will, torn from every hope aspired and at the end of wanting, entirely.
The loss of a love is devastation at its most profound, and as inexperienced as I was at the time, it took a toll on me, more than I could have ever envisioned. But experiencing such pain was in the end a gift of some value, for after my slow recovery I realized that if I could survive this, I could survive anything life handed me. And so I forgave life for taking my love away, forgave myself for the blame I somehow construed and forgave my love for leaving me, so bereft I was, of the love I had accepted with such joy and commitment. In the end we all heal, but memories never fade and love so devout lives on regardless of death. That I now know is true.
Tony DeLorger © 2016
videos on YouTube and book sales on website thoughtsforabeautifulmind.com, Amazon and digitalprintaustralia.com.au/bookstore
- Brutal Night - March 30, 2021
- Like a Breeze Recalls - March 27, 2021
- Torrents - September 5, 2020
This epistle is so at the heart of the stages one goes through when death takes away one we love so dearly. Love is a powerful force and death is the hardest thing we have to face in life. You express these feelings and pain so well, Tony. To be able to do that is a form of healing, which can aid in finding peace. Peace …
I agree Phyllis, writing is always cathartic and when we share, we often find other hearts that can benefit as well. Glad you appreciated the work. Cheers!