On the Commode in Texting Mode – A Funny Poem
You’re On the Commode in Texting Mode…
You’ve already started laughing…
Lucky for you I’m not photographing…
This tale begins while you sit and type
Your fingers sifting through the hype
Social media or perhaps the news
A couple of vids, and some interviews
So you get real comfortable and choose your spot
One not too cold and not too hot
You’ll be here awhile, but of course you know
As you read each message, you’ll take it slow
With your focused sight and razor senses
This jaunt online officially commences
You stretch your thumbs and fingers too
If you pull a tendon, you just won’t get through
The dramas and the love affairs
Who is trendy, when and where
Who is going places, some up some down
And everything else around the town
You’re changing apps, switching screens
Avoiding every story about vaccines
Always neutral is the way you roll
Not a minor piece, you are the whole
Tiking and Toking, YouTube too
It’s the taming of the modern shrew
Dropping likes and thumbs up too
Admiring how your friend list grew
Hold on, Hold on, Gotta Readjust
The left cheek feels a little numb
Wiggle your hips, move your bum
A rumble from you abomasum
Nothing you can’t overcome
With a heave and then a push
Then a great quivering of your tush
A bit of strain
Then a bit of pain
And then nothing…Nothing’s happening..
So the texting goes on
The gut pains are gone
A bit sweaty and damp
You shake it off like a champ
Our phone the modern magazine
But now including messaging
We watch video that play on demand
At least until Google decides they’re banned
One message sent, two received
The disenfranchised or otherwise aggrieved
Countless souls who’s lives depend
On daily talks with their online friends
Hang on…it’s back
Put the phone down on the floor
Grab the walls and count to four
Huff and puff and thar she blows!
It’s surely happened, so says your nose
So you take good care, cross the finish line
Realizing finally that you’re feeling fine
Grab your phone and then a gentle flush
Pull ’em up to avoid the rush
Check the time but it hasn’t slowed
An hour spent in texting mode
Time for you to hit the road
Bid goodbye to your commode
Until we meet again…same time tomorrow…
text me!
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Oh, Ralph – so funny! The things we think about when on the commode can surely make others laugh. Great phrasing!
Right? It’s our only real time to think these days !
Excellent. Those last few stanzas had me rolling with laughter. Jamie
Funny stuff that many can relate to I am sure. Thank you for the smile, Ralph.
This was such a fun read. As John said, many people can relate to this. Our mobile phones are truly like modern magazines, with a variety of exciting features and apps. Thank you so much for sharing, Ralph
Blessings to you!
Well, that’s different! Funny and great choice of words.
Ralph,
This really cracked me up,
because it was written about my honey
who must remain anonymous because?
When after a couple of hours
He doesn’t know that I can hear
Him laugh from reading something funny
And when he shifts his rear
But he yells “cut it out”
When I tell him to get his butt in gear
When I offer to call the Roto Rooter man
Or ask if everything came out all right
Hahahahaha