Falling into the Abyss

Falling into the Abyss
Falling into the Abyss

 

This photograph of my mom with her brother and cousin is how I like to think of her today – young, carefree, laughing without a care in the world I am not alone in this – when you lose your mother to illness or tragedy it takes many years to appreciate what is gone from your life. My mother was a kind and gentle soul and she encouraged me to write when I was young. She was the one that realized that I saw the world different than most kids my age. She called me “an old soul” and it took me years to fully understand what that meant. My Mom passed away in her sleep suffering from dementia and what I call the abyss on May 31st, 1997. To this day I still feel her with me encouraging me in all that I do.

Falling into the Abyss
Her mind started falling ever so slowly into the abyss,
The present no longer existed nor could she reminisce.
Her mind tumbled and fell into confusion and a dark hole,
My mom I loved her so, but dementia stole her soul.
Over the years it slowly robbed my mom of her personality,
In the end she was a shell of herself with no more vitality.
Many days I spent with her as her mind was lost in the abyss,
At first I never knew of what was wrong or what was amiss.
Nothing as cruel as to watch one you love suffer like this,
As their mind slowly falls into swirling darkness of the abyss.
The tears I shed as the mother I knew silently died inside,
No smile, no laughter, just a blank stare from her bedside.
Kept reminding myself she was not giving me a hard time,
That dementia and the abyss was stealing her life – her prime.
I tried to help her when she could no longer remembered me,
As she lost her memories of herself and others slowly be degree.
Mom was an intelligent, gentle and caring woman I used to boast,
With her mind lost in the darkening abyss she needed me the most.
On the day she died I thanked the heavens her suffering was done,
In her battle with dementia and the abyss – the disease finally won.
Years later I have chosen to remember my mom before the abyss,
As she read stories to me as a child – this is what I love to reminisce.
Kurt James

Kurt James © 2019

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Kurt James

Kurt James was born and raised in the foothills of the Colorado Rocky Mountains. With family roots in western Kansas and having lived in South Dakota for 20 years Kurt naturally had become an old western and nature enthusiast. Over the years Kurt has become one of Colorado’s prominent nature photographer’s through his brand name of Midnight Wind Photography. His poetry has been featured in the Denver Post, PM Magazine and on 9NEWS in Denver, Colorado. Kurt is also a feature writer for HubPages and Creative Exiles with the article’s focused on Colorado history, ghost towns, outlaws, and poetry. Inspired at a young age by writers such as Jack London, Louis L’Amour and Max Brand have formed Kurt’s natural ability as a storyteller. Kurt has published 5 novels all based in and around the Colorado Rocky Mountains. Using the Midnight Wind Publishing brand Kurt has also released a poetry collection - Poetry and Thoughts of a Wandering Man - (Uniquely Colorado edition) and now this collection - Poetry and Reflections of a Wandering Man (Random Thoughts edition) all are available in print or download on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Goodreads and other fine bookstores. And a few shady bookstores as well. Kurt is working on his 6th Colorado adventure tale novel “Conner’s Saga”.
Kurt James
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Kurt James

Kurt James was born and raised in the foothills of the Colorado Rocky Mountains. With family roots in western Kansas and having lived in South Dakota for 20 years Kurt naturally had become an old western and nature enthusiast. Over the years Kurt has become one of Colorado’s prominent nature photographer’s through his brand name of Midnight Wind Photography. His poetry has been featured in the Denver Post, PM Magazine and on 9NEWS in Denver, Colorado. Kurt is also a feature writer for HubPages and Creative Exiles with the article’s focused on Colorado history, ghost towns, outlaws, and poetry. Inspired at a young age by writers such as Jack London, Louis L’Amour and Max Brand have formed Kurt’s natural ability as a storyteller. Kurt has published 5 novels all based in and around the Colorado Rocky Mountains. Using the Midnight Wind Publishing brand Kurt has also released a poetry collection - Poetry and Thoughts of a Wandering Man - (Uniquely Colorado edition) and now this collection - Poetry and Reflections of a Wandering Man (Random Thoughts edition) all are available in print or download on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Goodreads and other fine bookstores. And a few shady bookstores as well. Kurt is working on his 6th Colorado adventure tale novel “Conner’s Saga”.

6 thoughts on “Falling into the Abyss

  • October 24, 2019 at 9:39 PM
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    We never forget the loving moments and years our mothers gave us regardless of how they become in the end of life. Your mother was a kind and old soul and it is obvious you loved each other very much, even now the love is there. Heartfelt poem about your dear mother, Kurt.

    Reply
    • October 27, 2019 at 10:07 AM
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      Thank you Phyllis for stopping by and leaving such a wonderful comment.

      Reply
  • October 26, 2019 at 6:29 PM
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    Most expressive and heartfelt. It is best to remember our moms as they once were not as when they were ill. I miss mine a lot and I knew it would never be the same again when she asked me Where were you born?

    Reply
    • October 27, 2019 at 10:08 AM
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      Life at the end can be cruel Rasma, thank you for stopping by.

      Reply

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