The Cross That I Must Bear

The Cross That I Must Bear
The Cross That I Must Bear

Drawn from the mire of conclusion,
I witness my own mind turn,
as in reality my discerning left wanting,
having the truth absconding
as I tell myself those lies.

So flippant my judgement,
so addled my redundant knowing,
put to test in manifest of all I think I acknowledge
as some measured truth,
the ruse I so often create, my undoing.

‘I know’ a phrase of arrogance,
so often used by the clueless,
thinking knowledge is gleaned from cereal boxes,
and I in the past attest such impropriety,
a mistaken leap of sobriety.

Perhaps a drunken view would solve my woes,
a sideways skewed perspective
that breaches my ardent elective,
hammering home what I disapprove,
and truth blaring out in supposition.

Or maybe madness has already taken
what my mind has so easily mistaken,
for a reality my life should well have shown,
and I in stubborn reactive pose,
just refuse to know what’s shaking.

We are only as good as our last words,
and ‘Argh!’ hardly commends a medal,
and in the ire of a bad joke,
I throw around my venting smoke
to discover how human I am.

I have good days and bad,
some when a mind is glad to be productive,
others when the bottom of a garbage bin,
is a nest I would prefer,
until these thoughts that stir, deter my actions.

Struggle is just a word, not my last,
but one I have known, intimately,
and my subjugation from a weary self,
is often too much to bear, so
I write until a fair and abiding equilibrium is found.

This is my madness,
I think too much, feel too much, give too much,
and when I face myself, forgiveness is deterred,
for I expect too much as well,
and that is my cross to bear.

Tony DeLorger © 2018

Tony DeLorger

Full time author, freelance writer, poet and blogger since 1999. Twenty one published works, past winner of 'Poet of the Year' on HubPages, 'Poem of the Year' on The Creative Exiles, writer for Allpoetry.com, Google+, tonydwtf.blogspot.com.au
videos on YouTube and book sales on website thoughtsforabeautifulmind.com, Amazon and digitalprintaustralia.com.au/bookstore

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Tony DeLorger

Full time author, freelance writer, poet and blogger since 1999. Twenty one published works, past winner of 'Poet of the Year' on HubPages, 'Poem of the Year' on The Creative Exiles, writer for Allpoetry.com, Google+, tonydwtf.blogspot.com.au videos on YouTube and book sales on website thoughtsforabeautifulmind.com, Amazon and digitalprintaustralia.com.au/bookstore

4 thoughts on “The Cross That I Must Bear

  • July 17, 2018 at 4:35 AM
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    Have faith in thy self, Tony. Your writing had changed a few weeks ago to a higher spiritual level – I hope you hold on to it. Take care dear poet.

    PS: Check your tags. Cross spelled corss.

    Reply
  • July 17, 2018 at 7:08 AM
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    A compliment to my “What is Madness” this scribe is in sync with what you have penned here my friend. I’ve struggled day in day out at times, over thinking, filled with doubts, aggravated at times over the smallest of matters, until I say over and over, don’t sweat the small stuff! I have yelled and screamed at times at my plight, I’ve taken to excess in the vine, only to feel the pain of my stupid behavior the next morn. “We are only as good as our last words” indeed Tony and re-reading them back at times disgusted me even more. We artists are like the tides flowing in and flowing out, our moods are on the hinged of madness so we think at times, yet we must continue to pursue. Your last stanza is so recognized by me my friend, but I say to us both, whatever it is we are missing, we must cast our soul around it, let it push us forward and onwards to the mark. The world is our oyster and we must write, for what else opens up the valve that allows us to be creatives. Indeed as Phyllis said, have faith in self, but I also say know oneself deeply in order to have it. Excellent expression as always my poet.

    Reply
  • July 17, 2018 at 7:25 AM
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    All so true, and yes you know exactly what I’m talking about. I never get lost in it anymore, but reflecting on the feelings helps to maintain balance and also it may help others going through similar feelings. Glad you appreciated it Vincent. Thank you my friend.

    Reply

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