Life Raft

Life Raft …

life raft

 

 

Spoken of hardly known wasting forms of fear

When in deep within those caves so feared before

Started to pull so deeply known inside one barren tear

Forging unknown passage beyond said stable moor

 

Swimming through naked waters grabbing at your face

Caressing along through lake’s encumbrance plain

Leaving inside lake’s waters none but bare a trace

Evolving that sign of which has yet barely but to wane

 

Forging beyond fearful specks of mountain’s forest clear

Burgeoning feel toward water’s grasses holding strangled legs

Mind’s involvement with passion faded swept careening tear

Gives one thought of morning break and carnivorous eating eggs

 

As the fort on other side of water’s enticing sap

Undefeated life raft looms above indigenous path

Fearful passive passion hurriedly forms a form of map

Elusive toward entranced liquid’s quickly forming wrath

 

Hands and feet come into play with sandy shore abode

While mental cogitation rides where the fearful rode

 

Donald Loudon

Cashier at Walmart
I have been writing since 1967, basically as an emotional release, but in the last few years I have become interested in creation of forms as well as being socially accepted by my peers.

So, here I am. Relate to me, please!
Donald Loudon
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Donald Loudon

I have been writing since 1967, basically as an emotional release, but in the last few years I have become interested in creation of forms as well as being socially accepted by my peers. So, here I am. Relate to me, please!

6 thoughts on “Life Raft

    • March 22, 2018 at 5:10 AM
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      This is what happens when my mind goes everywhere at once, attempting to define one thing, while scattering about. This is basically about those fears felt while swimming through a lake, attempting to keep one’s mind on better thoughts. yet yielding to others so opposite. Thank you, Phyllis, for your kindness here!

      Reply
  • March 21, 2018 at 8:05 PM
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    Interesting read Donald, but I feel it’s all there but needs a rewrite, as too many phrases are slightly off in syntax and also some words repeated that don’t add but subtract from the expression. I believe this could be a superior piece, but perhaps another look at the phrasing and structure. Simply my humble opinion, for your consideration. Cheers!

    Reply
    • March 22, 2018 at 5:16 AM
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      Tony, thank you for such an expressive remark. My mind, while attempting to define fear, went all different places inside my mind (caverns), reliving all fears which have been a part of me. These are all defined in the manic act of swimming through a lake, and facing my greatest fear (water). It is a little off key, which is what happens when my mind scatters. I very much appreciate your rewrite comment to make it better. However, I have never rewritten anything, cept for a story I once wrote. It is a demon with me, writing very quickly and changing nothing. I guess it has to do with control! Thanks again, my talented friend!

      Reply
  • March 23, 2018 at 1:39 PM
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    Interesting work my friend, while i agree to an extent with Tony, i understand your stand on not rewriting your work. After all the time placed into a piece, it could be overwhelming to correct. Question have you ever fully conquered your fears of swimming??

    Reply
    • March 23, 2018 at 4:04 PM
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      This, probably more than anything else I have ever written, delves deeply into my psyche. A true fear has led me to write this, while being aware of other things in my life, sorting everything together so intimately, together and singularly. I appreciate your visit and comment very much. No, I have never overcome my fear of water, along with other things which direct my life so cloistered!

      Reply

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