Loosened by the grip of self-disdain,
I look at how I wore the brunt of blame,
believed those who chose to feed my doubts,
and then in spite imprisoned me,
self-contained and no way out.
My weakness the trigger of my fall,
my abusers vile recompense and more,
jealous hearts and lies to bind,
rumor mill of the malicious kind,
still crumbles my world.
Then I realised I chose to accept,
believed my own ineptitude,
all for the want someone else’s debt,
I, the displacement of a soul,
bereft of love and seeking blame, her goal.
Nothing had I done to attribute lies,
nothing but love was my intention,
and right had forever been her disguise,
a delusion of just retribution,
and I her chosen mark.
I see now the virus she started,
has gone full circle, broken hearts,
and torn lives to shreds,
all for the jealousy and greed
she fed a gormless audience.
In a way I abused myself,
for a moment buying in to all the lies she felt,
and as soulless as she is,
I feel sorry for her lot,
her unhappiness real, her memories forgot.
And as much as I have lost,
unjustly and harshly judged my lot,
I must move on, untethered to this soul,
who continues to hurt my children,
and who cannot see the toll.
Tony DeLorger © 2017