Haunted Candy Bars
Please see Silver Back Gorilla at the Haunted Zoo for the first part of this story.
In part one of this story: Maxim suddenly became agitated and handed a block out to Morris. It had images of ghosts on it. Maxim was shaking his head vigorously, grabbing the bars and swaying back and forth. “Afraid of ghosts? A big fella like you?” Maxim nodded and pointed with his fist to something outside by the vending machines. Morris turned around to look and saw one of the machines shaking violently. Then the glass broke and candy bars started flying out like someone was throwing them. Morris stood up and watched with shock.
“Well, hell ! Looks like we got trouble on our hands,” Morris looked at Maxim, who was jumping up and down screeching.
“If I’m not mistaking, I think you are right, Maxim. Since I don’t see anyone out there I’m gonna assume those are haunted candy bars,” Morris took off his cap and scratched his head. “I’ll have to call the police, but what am I gonna tell them? That we have a ghost throwing a tantrum with haunted candy bars?” Maxim nodded his head vigorously. Morris sat back down and sipped on his coffee, thinking about what to do. Maxim sat down and scratched his head.
Morris finally called the police when another vending machine blew up and threw potato chips and snacks out. He told dispatch that someone had destroyed two vending machines and threw the contents all over the place. He also called security headquarters to say he needed the backup force to help search the grounds for a suspect. Within minutes one police officer and four security guards showed up.
“What the heck you doing in the cage, Morris? Afraid of candy bars are you?” The officer laughed. “I can’t believe you would rather be in there with a 400 pound gorilla instead of out here picking up candy bars,” he bent over and grabbed one, unwrapped it and started eating. Morris did not appreciate the humor at a time like this. He replied with a touch of anger, “Well, I ain’t never been attacked by candy bars, so I waited for you to get here and be attacked!” Just then a candy bar flew out of the machine and hit Officer O’Dooley in the back of the head, knocking his cap askew. Morris laughed when O’Dooley drew his gun and turned around quickly. “You arrest that evil ol’ candy bar, O’Dooley. It had no right attacking you!” Morris was laughing so hard he could barely talk.
O’Dooley holstered his gun and turned back to Morris. “Did you see who threw that?” Maxim shook his head and picked up his block with ghost images on it and started screeching again. “Maxim says a ghost threw it,” Morris laughed again. “Now, straighten your hat. You look stupid with it sideways!” Morris and O’Dooley had for years argued and insulted each other, but they were good friends and often had a beer or two together when off duty. O’Dooley used both hands to readjust his cap. “Are you telling me, Morris, that I came out here to arrest a ghost!”
One security guard was angry. “Is this a joke, Morris? One of your Halloween tales? What do you want us to search for, a ghost? Are you f’ng looney?”
Morris scratched his chin. “I ‘spose I could have called the vendor company, but they’re closed at night. ‘Sides, we are being attacked by haunted candy bars and the ghost is responsible for it.” O’Dooley lowered his head and closed his eyes, then glared at Morris. “You’re serious? Haunted candy bars ? A ghost is having a tantrum here, and just what do you want me to do about it?” Several more haunted candy bars flew at O’Dooley and he ducked, holding both arms up to protect his face. “Now, don’t shoot ’em, O’Dooley! The media might call it police brutality!”
“Damn it all, Morris! Let me inside there. I will not stand out here and be pummeled by haunted candy bars!” Maxim rolled onto his back and grabbed both feet, rolling back and forth with what looked like a huge grin on his face.
When Morris unlocked the door to let O’Dooley in, all four security guards rushed inside. “Now you all stay at least six feet away from the bars because Maxim has pretty long arms and I don’t know how he will react to all of you.” They all sat on the floor under the plexiglass enclosure, staring at Maxim. “Well, you guys could have brought in some snacks and candy. I ain’t got enough to feed you all,” Morris looked in his thermos. “And only ’bout a cup of coffee left.” Maxim reached through the bars and pushed the shopping cart towards the men.
“Good idea, Maxim. Now, we need some volunteers to push this cart out there and go trick-or-treating,” Morris looked back and forth at the guys, until two stood up and said they will go.
“That’s right brave of you fellas,” said O’Dooley. “Use that cart as a shield as you crawl around getting as much as you can. I’m getting hungry!”
The two guards managed to collect quite a bit of stuff before another machine broke and soda pop cans came flying out, bursting open as they hit the ground or the plexiglass.
The younger guard bravely stood up and yelled, “I got this! Throw ’em all out, you SOB! I’m ready!” He caught one at a time, handing each one to his partner who put them in the cart. Morris switched on the speaker and all the men inside started cheering every time the young guard caught a can, about two dozen of them. Morris opened the door when the ghost’s shenanigans stopped and told the guards, “Get back in here before it starts throwing the whole machines at ya!”
Needless to say, all six men spent the night in Maxim’s compound, safely away from the bars. Maxim spent most the time laying on his back eating potato chips and drinking a soda. When the morning shift of security guards came in they were astonished at the damage.
Seeing all the men inside with Maxim they called headquarters. The Captain came and handed Morris, O’Dooley and the four security guards a form to fill out with their version of what happened. After reading the reports, the Captain tore them up and said, “Are you all drunk?” As if to go along with the Captain’s thoughts, Maxim burped loudly. When everyone turned and stared at him, Maxim suddenly sat down and became very interested in his book. If a silver back can be embarrassed, I guess he was.
“I never want to hear about this again!” The Captain shouted. He filed a report about the incident and blamed all the damage on “vending machine malfunctions”.
And O’Dooley’s police report? He filed a False Alarm and since he was off duty he just went home.
No one was arrested, but all the men had a serious case of a sugar high and stomach problems from eating so many haunted candy bars and too many sodas. Maxim hid behind his trees. The ghost left, but some of the guys swear they heard its laughter fading away.
This is not one of my best stories, so I would love to get some serious feedback on it. I tried to get across the humor of it all and not sure if I succeeded at that.
© 2017 Phyllis Doyle Burns
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