Devil Gate Drive – or The Gatepost From Hell
Recently I have had a couple of confrontations with my front gate post. My wife took a photo of it and shared on Facebook, at the same time challenging me to reveal the story behind it through a poem. This Poem “Devil Gate Drive” is my response (It is also the name of a song by Suzie Quatro).
Devil Gate Drive
There is a curse upon the gatepost
Of the place I now call home.
No gate there hangs upon it,
So why do I bemoan?
Because each time I enter
It tries to give me grief.
One collision I can understand
But two’s beyond belief.
I can leave without a problem,
It bids me on my way.
But when I drive the bus back in,
“STAY OUT!” It seems to say.
So sure that I have ample room
I proceed without a care,
But the post jumps out in front of me,
“Pass me if you dare!”
I’m not one to be intimidated,
Especially by a post.
So, I urge the RV forward,
And I don’t believe in ghosts.
I hear a bang and then a scrape
As I put my foot to floor,
But a horror’s there to greet me
As I open up the door.
Scratches, dents, abrasions,
And a dislodged awning arm,
All along the bus’s side.
That gatepost meant to harm.
The post was bent and flattened,
The fence panel as well.
What other damage had been caused?
Only time would tell.
Well, the second time it happened
Was more than I could cope.
I’d teach that cursed gatepost
That portrayed me as a dope.
I unbolted the fence panel
And unscrewed the final thread,
But the weldmesh bounced back up straight
And whacked me in the head!
Feeling dazed, with wounded pride
I pulled the fence apart.
Now the gateway’s twice as wide
And better on my heart.
The dreaded post was still in place,
Though bent to near the ground.
I needed to extract the thing
So on it I did pound.
I jumped on it with all my weight,
Then pulled it to and fro.
This weakened the accursed post
And made my efforts grow.
Then with a final mighty push
I snapped the bugger off.
No longer will it torment me,
I held my foe aloft.
Now, I can drive into my yard,
In a bus or in a truck.
Who cares I have no gate or post,
I just don’t give a .. hoot.
by John Hansen 2017
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I love this, John. Working all those years on the farm must have given you the strength to pull that post out, well done – on the post and the poem.
Thank you, Phyllis. Sometimes I don’t know my own strength 🙂
While i was reading this i was hoping at the end you pulled the darn thing out. Good for you. Great rhyming piece John. I have a similar problem with the addition that was put on my house. It sticks about 2 feet farther out than the rest of my house. Ive had my wife and my best friends wife hit it. Unfortunately its not cost effective for me to remove it. Nice piece.
Thank you, Paul. Glad I am not the only one who has had a similar problem. It is great to be rid of that post.
I was laughing halfway through (commiserating mostly) – thoroughly enjoyed it from start to finish
Thank you, Ralph. I appreciate both the commiserations and the laughter.
Okay, that had me howling. Great poem but greater story, one I think any homeowner can relate to. Thanks for the laugh, my friend.
Hey, Bill, good to see you. Glad this gave you a good belly laugh. You have to try to see the funny side of every situation.
Darn cute!!
Thanks for reading, Rebecca. Much appreciated.
Well done John, most amusing and my commiserations. great story.
Glad you found this amusing, Tony. I wasn’t happy at the time but I can look back and laugh about it now.
Ha Ha…I can definitely imagine this 🙂 I love how you have made a lovely rhyming poem about your experience with “The Gatepost from Hell” (smiles!)
Thank you, Tamara. It wasn’t funny at the time.
You made me laugh! I can relate, though my problem is not so easily solved, I’d have to remove a post that is part of my house/garage; just like you fence post, it keeps jumping out at me and my daughter when we try to park my car.
It is such a gift to be able to laugh at your problems – easier done after you solved them. Now I just have to figure out how to remove the side of my garage.
Great poem!
Haha Emese, fortunately I don’t have a garage or who knows what may have happened. I am glad this made you laugh and good luck with removing the side of your garage.