Devil Gate Drive – or The Gatepost From Hell

Recently I have had a couple of confrontations with my front gate post. My wife took a photo of it and shared on Facebook, at the same time challenging me to reveal the story behind it through a poem. This Poem “Devil Gate Drive” is my response (It is also the name of a song by Suzie Quatro).

Gatepost
Cursed Gatepost

Devil Gate Drive

There is a curse upon the gatepost

Of the place I now call home.

No gate there hangs upon it,

So why do I bemoan?

 

Because each time I enter

It tries to give me grief.

One collision I can understand

But two’s beyond belief.

 

I can leave without a problem,

It bids me on my way.

But when I drive the bus back in,

“STAY OUT!” It seems to say.

 

So sure that I have ample room

I proceed without a care,

But the post jumps out in front of me,

“Pass me if you dare!”

 

I’m not one to be intimidated,

Especially by a post.

So, I urge the RV forward,

And I don’t believe in ghosts.

 

I hear a bang and then a scrape

As I put my foot to floor,

But a horror’s there to greet me

As I open up the door.

 

Scratches, dents, abrasions,

And a dislodged awning arm,

All along the bus’s side.

That gatepost meant to harm.

 

The post was bent and flattened,

The fence panel as well.

What other damage had been caused?

Only time would tell.

 

Well, the second time it happened

Was more than I could cope.

I’d teach that cursed gatepost

That portrayed me as a dope.

 

I unbolted the fence panel

And unscrewed the final thread,

But the weldmesh bounced back up straight

And whacked me in the head!

 

Feeling dazed, with wounded pride

I pulled the fence apart.

Now the gateway’s twice as wide

And better on my heart.

 

The dreaded post was still in place,

Though bent to near the ground.

I needed to extract the thing

So on it I did pound.

 

I jumped on it with all my weight,

Then pulled it to and fro.

This weakened the accursed post

And made my efforts grow.

 

Then with a final mighty push

I snapped the bugger off.

No longer will it torment me,

I held my foe aloft.

 

Now, I can drive into my yard,

In a bus or in a truck.

Who cares I have no gate or post,

I just don’t give a .. hoot.

 

by John Hansen 2017

 

No gatepost
Who cares I have no gate or post

John Hansen

Long time poet but not in the traditional technical sense. I enjoy rhyme but like to experiment and dabble in many different forms and maybe even make up some of my own. There is always a message or lesson I want to promote through my writing, for that reason, my poetry generally shies away from the abstract and obscure.

After a lot of procrastinating I have finally self-published my first eBooks of poetry "I Laughed a Smile" and "On the Wings of Eagles" at Lulu.com.Now I find myself branching out and experimenting with short fiction.

I have also been fortunate to have two poems chosen to be made into songs and recorded. The first "On the Road to Kingdom Come" by Al Wordlaw, and the second, "If I Could Write a Love Poem" by award-winning British singer Tally Koren.

I am also finding my services increasingly in demand as a freelance writer and I have ghost-written the text for a number of children's books and educational tutorials.

It has taken me many years of searching and restlessness to realise that my life's passion is to write. It saddens me that I wasted so many years not devoting to that, but thinking positively, the experiences gained over those years is now wonderful material for my stories and poems.

I want to try to bring a new focus on poetry and try to make it appealing to a new generation of young people and those who thought they never liked or understood it before.

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John Hansen

Long time poet but not in the traditional technical sense. I enjoy rhyme but like to experiment and dabble in many different forms and maybe even make up some of my own. There is always a message or lesson I want to promote through my writing, for that reason, my poetry generally shies away from the abstract and obscure. After a lot of procrastinating I have finally self-published my first eBooks of poetry "I Laughed a Smile" and "On the Wings of Eagles" at Lulu.com. Now I find myself branching out and experimenting with short fiction. I have also been fortunate to have two poems chosen to be made into songs and recorded. The first "On the Road to Kingdom Come" by Al Wordlaw, and the second, "If I Could Write a Love Poem" by award-winning British singer Tally Koren. I am also finding my services increasingly in demand as a freelance writer and I have ghost-written the text for a number of children's books and educational tutorials. It has taken me many years of searching and restlessness to realise that my life's passion is to write. It saddens me that I wasted so many years not devoting to that, but thinking positively, the experiences gained over those years is now wonderful material for my stories and poems. I want to try to bring a new focus on poetry and try to make it appealing to a new generation of young people and those who thought they never liked or understood it before.

16 thoughts on “Devil Gate Drive – or The Gatepost From Hell

  • May 9, 2017 at 6:01 AM
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    I love this, John. Working all those years on the farm must have given you the strength to pull that post out, well done – on the post and the poem.

    Reply
  • May 9, 2017 at 6:13 AM
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    Thank you, Phyllis. Sometimes I don’t know my own strength 🙂

    Reply
  • May 9, 2017 at 6:18 AM
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    While i was reading this i was hoping at the end you pulled the darn thing out. Good for you. Great rhyming piece John. I have a similar problem with the addition that was put on my house. It sticks about 2 feet farther out than the rest of my house. Ive had my wife and my best friends wife hit it. Unfortunately its not cost effective for me to remove it. Nice piece.

    Reply
  • May 9, 2017 at 6:38 AM
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    Thank you, Paul. Glad I am not the only one who has had a similar problem. It is great to be rid of that post.

    Reply
  • May 9, 2017 at 12:51 PM
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    I was laughing halfway through (commiserating mostly) – thoroughly enjoyed it from start to finish

    Reply
  • May 9, 2017 at 2:32 PM
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    Thank you, Ralph. I appreciate both the commiserations and the laughter.

    Reply
  • May 9, 2017 at 2:47 PM
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    Okay, that had me howling. Great poem but greater story, one I think any homeowner can relate to. Thanks for the laugh, my friend.

    Reply
    • May 10, 2017 at 1:20 AM
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      Hey, Bill, good to see you. Glad this gave you a good belly laugh. You have to try to see the funny side of every situation.

      Reply
  • May 10, 2017 at 1:22 AM
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    Glad you found this amusing, Tony. I wasn’t happy at the time but I can look back and laugh about it now.

    Reply
  • July 24, 2017 at 7:56 AM
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    Ha Ha…I can definitely imagine this 🙂 I love how you have made a lovely rhyming poem about your experience with “The Gatepost from Hell” (smiles!)

    Reply
  • August 8, 2017 at 12:27 PM
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    You made me laugh! I can relate, though my problem is not so easily solved, I’d have to remove a post that is part of my house/garage; just like you fence post, it keeps jumping out at me and my daughter when we try to park my car.
    It is such a gift to be able to laugh at your problems – easier done after you solved them. Now I just have to figure out how to remove the side of my garage.
    Great poem!

    Reply
  • August 8, 2017 at 3:28 PM
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    Haha Emese, fortunately I don’t have a garage or who knows what may have happened. I am glad this made you laugh and good luck with removing the side of your garage.

    Reply

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