Being empathetic, intuitive, moralistic and depressive is not an easy life. In fact being surrounded by people, feeling and knowing their problems and suffering the lows of depression disorders, life can be excruciatingly painful. For this reason I avoid crowds, don’t like gatherings or groups of people more than half a dozen and for the most part I live a reclusive life. It is not just by choice but necessity I prefer to remain in a quiet environment where input is understood and expected and negativity is limited.
The sheer panic of feeling the confusion and problems of others has become too much of a burden, whereas in my younger years I invited the connections and did what I could to help people. The reality after many years is most people don’t want to be helped, and in fact need the circumstances they experience to attain some sort of lesson necessary in their development. What I also didn’t realize was that I was being adversely effected by the connections, a small part of me bearing the burden of those I was helping. You may say, well all you have to do is learn how to switch off and then be effective without the negativity. I off course learned and tried that, but when all is said and done, I do not wish to live a life cut back or limited by what I can feel or experience. To be numb to the world is far worse than being over-sensitive. So I chose to remain as God intended and to then limit my environment best I could to manage my experiences.
This may sound self-indulgent, perhaps even egotistical, but believe me when I tell you it is neither, simply me understanding my strengths and limitations and utilizing my ability to uphold my creative life at a peak of its ensuing. What holds this soul together is the ability to be creative, to focus unencumbered for whatever time available and maintain that intensity. It is a question I am often asked…”How can you be so prolific and maintain such a high quality of work in your writing?” The answer is simple, I have learned over many years how to connect to what I call the ‘creative stream’. It may sound a little esoteric, but a simple meditation and connection sees me able to write for eight plus hours at a time, the outpourings like an avalanche of words. I rarely edit and seldom do I trash a poem, find it without substance. Each work starts with a phrase or word and the writing just flows. I have never experienced writers block, and even if I’m not in the mood, I read the last poem I wrote and all just fits into place.
This talent also extends to writing on demand, having written many works requested by people in a myriad of forms, and of course I grew up in advertising and copy-writing is second nature. This blessing has in many ways changed my life, having the ability to distract the negative influence of imbalanced brain chemistry and nourish the soul with positive affirmations of my beliefs and understandings about life. All these subjects are reflected in my poetry, my love for nature and the moral compass within which I undertake my life. Depression is a daily battle, yet with creativity taking so much of my time, the depressive effects are minimized and I lead a happy and fulfilling life filled with much joy and laughter. A sense of humor I believe is the most important prerequisite of life: without it life is plain dull.
It may sound closed, this life I lead, but on the contrary, it is controlled to output as much of my creativity as possible. I have been married three times, I have five children, I have a huge diversity of work skills and I have traveled the world, seen life in many arenas and appreciate every breath I’m given. I have no regrets and I am surrounded by loving family. Who could ask for anything more?
Tony DeLorger © 2016
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